There's nothing Americans love more than talking about themselves on YouTube, except maybe eating mayonnaise and things that taste like mayonnaise, and talking about mayonnaise, and mayonnaise more mayonnaise please. Kraft is capitalizing on our obsession with the fluffy white stuff by sponsoring the Miracle Whip "Not for Every Relationship" Contest, which will give $25,000 to a couple who makes a 60-second YouTube video detailing "how a simple spread can hold your relationship together," or "pull you apart." So it'll either be "it's a perfect toe-sucking topping" or a divorce story that ends with: "She got the dog, I got the Miracle Whip." Okay, where's out check?

Miracle Whip seems to be jumping on the same "our product may or may not taste like shit" bandwagon as Dominos by embracing any and all publicity with their "We're Not For Everyone" tagline. Earlier ads for Miracle Whip have featured the Jersey Shore's Pauly D hating on the spread, while political-talking-head-that-looks-like-a-crude-rendering-of-an-alien-lifeform James Carville can't get enough of it. They've even begun toying with the Urban Outfitters demo!

If you and your old lady/man want $25,000, wipe the Miracle Whip off the webcam and get cracking: the contest ends at midnight on Tuesday. That is, if you can get off the couch and stop eating fake mayo with a spoon.