As we all know for better or worse the annual yuletide experiment in intoxicated post-collegiate fratboy stupidity that is SantaCon returns to the city this Saturday. Luckily, however, if the idea of hundreds of men and women dressed in red and white and puke rolling around sidewalk isn't your thing—and you can't catch a sleigh out of town tonight—there is now a simple way to avoid the brunt Santa onslaught. All you have to do is avoid these four areas:


Yup, seems some Santacon elves have gone and helpfully mapped out where you do not want to be tomorrow. To start, between 11 a.m. and 2 p.m. you'll want to avoid Midtown West. Then, between 2 p.m. and 4:30 p.m. you'll want to be anywhere besides Midtown between Madison Square and Times Square (Midtown South Central?). From 4:30 p.m. to 7 p.m. we wouldn't be caught dead in the East Village (seriously at this point the Santa's start resembling Ian McShane on American Horror Story Asylum). And then, finally, after 7 p.m. you just don't want to go to Williamsburg because, and we quote, at that point "Pussy Santas are down by dark. Those who can hold their own hit Williamsbrug for Bedford Ave posing, gastropub red-nosing and the best after-party since Mrs. Claus lost her panties atop the North Pole."

And speaking of that after party? It'll be at The Warsaw in Greenpoint so if you are looking to pick up some technicolor upchuck tomorrow night now you know where.