Good morning! As we all know, it's important to have goals in life. An area man who calls himself Mister PeePee has dedicated himself to exploring the unlimited erotic potential of the Starbucks bathroom. Starbucks Gossip says this gentleman has made a podcast [since removed?] describing his mission to masturbate in every Starbucks bathroom in New York City, and rate the results. That's over 298 rub outs! So which Starbucks is the best one for self-pleasuring? And why are guys so gross?

"Today's Starbucks visit is rated as a 4 Boner," the chronic masturbator wrote on Twitter. "Spacious, clean, excellent coffee, strong wifi, no interruptions & 1 hot chick." But that review dates back to December, and since then he has yet to file anything more than terse updates about which Starbucks he's currently, uh, enjoying. Come on Mister PeePee, don't be such a tease! The world wants to know all about your masturbation. Particularly, the world would like to know your name, you creepy perv.

One commenter on Starbucks Gossip who appears to be a Starbucks employee writes, "Glorious. For everyone 1 of him who decides to mention it, think of how many don't. We have one regular who comes in for about an hour a day and stares, yes, stares, and studies, the baristas working. Even takes pictures (it certainly seems) with his phone. Can't really say anything though since he's a cop... Reminds me of the dude who would wank with honey in the bathrooms in (I believe) MA. fml. fyl. ftj."

[Starbucks Gossip via The Awl]