A brazen sausage stealer was interrupted mid-stuff last week at a Bushwick supermarket, thanks to a manager who recognized the thief from two previous meat thefts. Where exactly was he stuffing that salami, you may ask? Why, down his pants, of course! Get your mind out of the gutter.
A manager at Sea Town Meat and Fish Market in Bushwick (not to be confused with C-Town Supermarket) caught Daniel Ortiz salami-handed last week during his third encased meat heist, which seems to be a surprisingly popular item to yank these days. On two previous occasions, Ortiz stole exactly $46 worth of smoked sausage and stuffed it down his pants, perhaps in an ill-fated bid to challenge Sausage King Abe Froman.
All jokes aside, we still can't help but think that if Ortiz had only known how this ended for Derek Smalls, he might have come up with a better shoplifting technique: