Ho Ho Hold on to your dignity as best you can this weekend when the annual SantaCon douchesplosion spews thousands of Santas and other "merry" drunkards onto our streets and bars like so many Fireball pukes. As has become
, the MTA and NJ Transit have banned alcohol on all trains for most of this weekend in preparation for the onslaught.
The Long Island Railroad and Metro-North will be booze-free from noon on Saturday, December 10th through noon on Sunday, December 11th in order to "maintain orderly travel and safe station and terminal operations during this weekend's SantaCon event."
The MTA, which operates both train lines, says their own police officers will be out confiscating any alcohol and issuing summons to any reindeer or sexy candy canes found flouting the ban.
"We’ve learned from experience that the event usually goes well, but some participants can make life tough for our other customers," the MTA's spokesperson Aaron Donovan told us this morning. "So the ban is a precaution to prevent activity that could disrupt other passengers’ travels." Can't imagine what he's talking about.
NJ Transit has imposed a similar ban the entirety of Saturday and into "early morning" on Sunday. The same ban will be imposed the following weekend on December 17th in honor of the Hoboken iteration of SantaCon.
"Rest assured, we are," a NJ Transit spokesperson said with a laugh to a query about banning booze this morning.
No alcohol on the trains doesn't mean escape from drunk Santa antics, who're so pumped, bro, to start that train car karaoke.
So where can non-Santas find safety? Contrary to initial panicked reports, SantaCon organizers tell Gothamist that "SantaCon will NOT be occurring in Brooklyn this year. At all." But as we discovered last year, "Manhattan...is where the SantaConners live and breathe." RIP East Village.