Meet the Timmy brothers. They wear beanies in the summer, and they have created something important, unique and special. They have created...water.

"You talk about wetness, or moistness," they say, eyes squinty with gravitas. "Mark Twain." "Hand-crafted." "Straight razor." Squint. Hand gesture! A two-beat pause, to let it sink in. In some cases, more squinting. You've been to this party before. You hate this party. Why do you keep coming to Bushwick, it's always like this.

If the parody starts to feel a bit too real, try mentally swapping out the word "water" for "syphilis." You're welcome.