Nanny Bloomberg only has so much time left in office to make us all better people—so what's next before his exit? Well, Hizzoner has already cut back our smoking, taken away our trans fats and is working on banning big sugary drinks so clearly the next line of attack is booze. At least the Post sure thinks it is—and binge drinking is a big financial drain on the city.

So why does Murdoch's tabloid think our billionaire mayor from Boston is going to go after our hooch? Mostly because they got a tip that the Health Department's next telephone survey (something they do regularly) is focused on getting "a better handle on the level of alcohol abuse in the city." And if the city is asking about it, they must be about to ban it, right?

Or something, whatever STOP THE PRESSES START HOARDING MOONSHINE! "We routinely conduct surveys about important health issues to learn more about them, and underage and excessive drinking are serious health issues," Health Department spokesman Sam Miller explained to the paper. The Department's reps went on to insist that "the new polling research is aimed at improving its public-education campaign, not any new Prohibition-type edict to ban drinking."

Of course, with Big Soda currently fighting Bloomberg tooth and nail, why would the current administration want to bring on the wrath of Big Booze just yet? But just you wait, soon enough we're all going to be outfitted with special collars that will track your alcohol level every five minutes and the minute it appears you might be having just a bit too much fun—BOOM—the NYPD fun-buster brigade is going to storm your apartment Brazil-style. We kid, we kid... or do we?