Have you already sold your kidney to buy an iced coffee in this humid hellhole? It's getting bleak out there. Before you consider investing in an at-home dialysis machine, consider that there is another way, a way that doesn't involve handing over a beer-sized chunk of change to a smug barista touting the superiority of nitro cold brew.
All you need is a little foresight, a functioning faucet and some tools you probably already have on hand to make your own cold brew coffee at home.
And if this is all still Too Much, there's always the prison version.