One hundred and seventeen years after it created what is perhaps the world's most iconic (if basic) candy bar, Hershey's has...adapted. The candy company has announced a new candy bar to its lineup, a gilded treat called "Hershey's Gold." Somewhere deep within the White House, Trump feels a tingling in his loins.

The company describes the new bar as a "caramelized crème bar...with crushed peanuts and pretzels to give you a very fine crunch, indeed." Hershey's market researchers apparently noted the "rising popularity of crunchy multi-textured candy."

For those keeping track, this is the company's first "new" candy bar in over two decades, when in 1995 it debuted the Cookies 'n Creme bar (still the most loathsome of the Hershey bars, though I haven't yet tried this new one). Apparently, it only counts as "new" if the base is new, i.e. not made from milk, "special dark" creme (ugh) or, now, caramel. Sorry Krackel, you were just not innovative enough for this world.

The most superior of all Hershey bar creations is, of course, Hershey's Milk Chocolate with Almonds. I will hear no arguments on the subject. Good day to you.