When the Daily What linked to some site with a "Four Lokator" we were immediately excited. Finally, a place to stock up on what everyone will soon be driving to Jersey to find, along with their cheap cigarettes and gas. However, it turns out it serves as more of a national map to track where and when Big Brother is taking away your right to drink yourself stupid (with Four Loko and other caffeinated alcohol drinks). Where's our single-serving Tumblr about Four Loko-stocking delis in the city?

New York's ban will be preceded by bans in Michigan, Oklahoma and Washington, and Utah is already way ahead of the game. But this is all easy to find without a map. The consolation prize is their collection of Four Loko stories. Here's our favorite: "One night I drank two cans of Four Loko and I remember sitting in a hot tub then sitting at a Subway restaurant hitting my head against the table yelling, 'This is my nightmare. This is my hell,' then giving a homeless man a high five instead of change, and that was the last thing I remembered. The next morning I woke up soaking wet in the back of a Ford escort by myself shoeless outside of an apartment complex that I lived at two years ago."