Fast food chains are vying to make even more Americans fat by touting the contributions from the flesh-and-blood chefs behind the scenes at your favorite feeding trough. And Americans, lulled into a false sense of security by 75 grams of sedative-like fat, are totally falling for it.

One restaurant industry analyst told AdAge to expect to see a lot of chefs in fast food commercials in coming months: " "Everyone is looking for a way to stand out," she said, and the best way to stand out is always to do exactly what all your competitors are doing. Chains like Burger King, KFC, and Domino's Pizza are all featuring their "head chefs," "executive chefs," "top chefs" and even "chef's choices," which don't involve in actual human, in their marketing campaigns.

It's all part of a giant conspiracy to trick you into thinking that your chicken and biscuit bowl was prepared with love and tenderness, not the clumsiness and spit of a million bored 16-year-olds at highway rest stops. Feel free to buy into this claim while you order "artisanal" Domino's pizza from the comfort of your own couch.