In a town where you can pretty much buy whatever the hell you want, is it shocking that one can still pick up the zesty alco-caffeinated version of our fallen friend Four Loko? The Local East Village reports that you can still find the banned version in neighborhood bodegas. Also still available in the East Village: heroin. But only one of those substances turns your poop blue!
Selling the banned brew could result in a $2,000 fine for the offending store, but some owners plead ignorance, stating that they're unaware of the recall; one even told the blog, "No one came to investigate if we got it out or not." He also gives the name of a distributer who continues to supply the store with the original Four Loko, and the names and locations of all five stores that still sell the secret sauce are published in the piece as well. Way to narc out our pushers, Local East Village!
The beverage's creator Phusion Projects voluntarily removed the caffeine and other stimulants from the brew in November under the threat of running afoul of an FDA ban. Stores had until December 10, 2010 to liquidate their stock, and once it was (supposedly) all gone, the city mourned, but those in the know knew that as long as there is a market, the Loko will flow. "We've been getting complaints for a long time that we're not selling the old Four Loko," one empty-handed vendor says, "With the new one, the craziness is not that there so people don't buy it." Indeed!
Hopefully the authorities will take pity on the original-Loko retailers, despite Local East Village's blatant disregard of the Loko Code. Pro tip to shopkeeps on the level: rack your shelves with the bogus Loko and keep the goods in the back. We also have it on good authority that if you play a certain version of a card game in which the loser must drink half a Four Loko (we'll call it "LokoTonk"), you're guaranteed to have an interesting Friday night. Or Tuesday night. Or Sunday afternoon.