Dirty water dogs, once the stalwart of street dining in this fine city, are being pushed out by hordes of fussy, health-conscious eaters who wrinkle their noses at the prospect of a mysterious tube of emulsified meat. What's taking their place? Organic, grass-fed, sustainably raised, locally sourced, non-genetically modified, nitrate-free, free range tubes of emulsified meat, of course!

“I’m a big fan of street food, but it has to be more wholesome,” one mother in Central Park told the Times, before allowing her precious children their very first bite of a street-sourced hot dog, from the fancy new Good To Go Organics cart in the park. The article also name-checks the rise of nouveau hot dog joints like Crif Dogs and Bark (not to mention Asia Dog or Snap) as part of growing "clean dog" trend. Never mind that so-called "natural" hot dogs are a bunch of hooey!

Leave it to Curtis Sliwa to take these "trendoid, new-jack hot dogs" down a notch: “This really is the class warfare of New York,” he said. “Beer. Hot dogs. What’s next? It seems like every arena that used to be traditional, blue-collar, working class, now it’s like: ‘Oh no, we’ve got to have our own. God forbid we eat what common folks eat! And we have to pay a premium price to prove to you it’s the best.’ " Preach it, brother! Bandwagon-hopping new-wave hot dog eaters, you may repent for your sins with two Hail Marys and four kraut-slathered dirty water dogs.