My apartment in Brooklyn isn't exactly luxurious; the front door is a little dinged up from when I tried to ram in a couch that was just an inch too wide, a couple of tiles are falling off in the bathroom, and you've seen my nightstand. It's not a total dump, but thanks to the infernal media, I'm constantly reminded that not everyone resides in an apartment haunted by a mysterious "grime gap" between the kitchen counter and the stove. Yet rarely am I confronted by these mythical higher standards of living face-to-face. Saturday night was different.

PlaceInvaders is the ingenious brainchild of Katie Smith-Adair and Hagan Blount, two amateur cooks whose simple concept exploits every New Yorker's unquenchable desire for a swanker apartment. (Or even just an apartment without scary black mold.) Once a month they host intimate dinner parties in spectacular private homes, at locations that aren't revealed until the day of the event. Saturday's fiesta, to which I was invited gratis as an esteemed member of the infernal media, was at the Chelsea loft apartment of Cindy Gallop, an English advertising consultant and entrepreneur.

It was the sort of classic Manhattan dinner party you see at movies but rarely get invited to attend, because everyone in this town is part of some snobby elitist clique but oh you'll show them someday soon. (Especially the elitist media clique.) Upon arrival, I was greeted by Blount, who handed me a bracing cocktail made with Deep Eddy Ruby Red Vodka, smoked chipotle pepper, club soda and a smoked salt rim. He then escorted me through a sensory overload of eclectic art to a cluster of couches in the middle of a huge open loft that seemed to be the size of a football field, floating in some unattainable cloud city of dreams.

There was a leisurely cocktail hour, during which Gallop held court with amusing anecdotes about the genesis of her home's design, which was meant to evoke the feel her favorite Shanghai bar. Sex was a recurring theme, from the provocative tantric sculptures to the large-scale photo of Gallop standing dominantly in front of two mostly naked male models. "I only date younger men," she divulged during a wide-ranging discussion of sexuality and real estate and pornography, which culminated with Gallop declaring that she's only person to ever utter the phrase "cum on my face" while giving a TED talk. Asked how many high heel shoes she owns (many were on display along a wall), Gallop replied, "Oh, I stopped counting; it's like men, darling."

Gallop's loft, which has become somewhat famous for its glossy all-black walls, was "at the top of the list" of locations sought by PlaceInvaders, and it was easy to see why. Gallop's a fascinating hostess, and her apartment is overflowing with eye candy and rich detail. Is that a real golden Gucci chainsaw? Where did she get that stuffed snake attacking a weasel? There's no door to the bathroom, is there? Here's video from a Curbed tour of the home, which Gallop recently put on the market with an asking price of almost $6 million:

Despite lacking professional culinary experience nor the advantage of multiple ovens, Smith-Adair and Blount prepared a wholly satisfying dinner (with the help of Jamal Hashi, chef and co owner of Safari Express). It started with a "decadent" fried egg sandwich and really could have ended there, but it kept on going, through a well-balanced clam chowder, a fresh kale salad, and finally a filling surf & turf with a rich sweet potato pancetta gratin. Then there were three kinds of pudding for dessert, and then someone produced a $350 bottle of exceptional De Leon tequila, and after that someone else cracked open a bottle of scotch, and then I remembered it was my birthday. Or, wait, it was Tom's birthday in another story. No, I remembered I had to go home to Brooklyn, which was fine, I like my apartment, I'm going to get those tiles fixed.

The next PlaceInvaders is scheduled for later this month or December, location TBA. To get on the list, email them here. Ticket prices vary—Saturday's event was $200, which is no trifle, but all things considered it's not an obscene price point for a five course dinner, excellent (bottomless) drinks, and four full hours of hardcore apartment porn.