It's a new day, folks. News broke this week that Denny's (a real Denny's, not this one) will soon be making its triumphant debut in New York City, meaning you no longer have to travel to scenic Avenel, New Jersey to get your fried cheese melt fix.
The new Denny's will be located in downtown Manhattan at 150 Nassau Street, and neighbors are already positively filled with hate for the restaurant that, if history is any indication, will single-handedly destroy their quality of life. If there's one group that can empathize with the plight of the building's Denny-zens, it's the beleaguered residents living near the East Village IHOP, who have been haunted by the bacon-scented ghosts of breakfasts past nearly continuously since the place opened up in 2011.
It should go without saying that Mayor Bloomberg will not be tucking into an oozing Grand Slamwich anytime soon. Hizzoner, whose sighing may be the only sound more deafening than the IHOP's "smog hog," has expressed his utter disgust at the chain's arrival, though he told reporters yesterday that if New Yorkers really want to be great big fat people, he supposes it's ultimately up to them.
"But if you ate every day like that, you would be obese, and then your life expectancy and quality of life would be dramatically worse," Bloomberg told DNAinfo. "My suggestion is, if you eat that many calories in one meal, it's not healthy for you."
Nearby residents know the mayor's warnings will largely fall on deaf ears, and to that end, the only thing they dread more than waking up to the smell of pancakes, everyday, for the rest of their lives whether they even like pancakes or not, is the crowds that such low-brow greasy spoons are sure to attract. Residents told the Daily News that the landmarked building situated in an otherwise residential neighborhood is sure to draw hoards of rowdy college students and drunken knaves, which may have been OK were the place not going to be bustling full-tilt 24-hours a day.
If IHOP has any sense of goodwill—and with six different types of French Toast, we're sure that they must—they will offer Denny's some good-natured, paternal advice on placating the locals (Pony up $40K for a ventilation unit, but make them grovel). Maybe they'll even lend them a spare bouncer or two.