Around 10:30 this morning we received an alert regarding a police impersonator stealing "something" from a business on Spring Street in Manhattan. At the time, the NYPD was looking for a male driving a blue Honda. Turns out the theft was at Dominique Ansel Bakery, and the "something" was a Cronut™, and it wasn't exactly a theft after all. But Cronut means it's NEWS.
Still here? Really? Okay, so the man paid for his Cronut, but the bakery asked he return it when they found out he cut the line like Emma Roberts in order to procure it. According to a rep, pressed by DNAInfo for more details: "A customer simply cut in line (as some people do), and so we asked him to please return his purchase as it prevented people waiting in line from their fair share, which he refused. The guy claimed he was a police officer, and so the security guard [called] the police to check. At that point, the guy walked away." Where's Hipster Cop when you need him?
Surely there is more to this story! So we pressed the bakery's people even further, asking some hard-hitting questions, and it turns out they refunded his Cronuts before he left with them. A rep told us, "The customer purchased it, then we refunded him when we realized he had cut and asked for the goods back so people in line can have a fair chance at purchasing them. He refused and left with the items. In a nutshell—someone cut the line in a bakery. But seriously? It's not a bakery 'robbery.'"
True. It's just the only-the-strong-get-Cronuts, Hunger Gamesian world we've created around this baked good, and this man wins, because he was willing to lie, cheat, and (sort of) steal to get his. In the Cronut-based society of tomorrow, he will surely be a powerful sultan, and with his superior genetics, our grandchildren will no doubt serve happily as his grandchildren's slaves. Marry us, Cronut King!