Is it ketchup, catsup, or counterfeit ketchup? Time to have a new random thing to worry about because yes, New Jersey officials think they have uncovered a diabolical counterfeit ketchup ring. How do you counterfeit catsup? By calling one brand of ketchup another, apparently.

Dover, New Jersey, officials discovered the alleged counterfeit scheme after neighbors of a warehouse there noticed a tremendous number of flies around. When the 7,000-square-foot space was examined they found hundreds of crates holding thousands of bottles of what appeared to be Heinz ketchup—some of which had exploded. To make the story stranger, the ketchup appears to be "real."

Heinz officials, who visited the scene last week, "believe someone purchased traditional Heinz Ketchup and transferred it from large bladders into individual bottles labeled 'Simply Heinz,' a premium variety made with sugar instead of high fructose corn sweetener." But without any quality control it is impossible to know exactly what went in those bottles.

"The site of this operation was abandoned and had produced only a small quantity of bottles, much of which was still on site," Michael Mullen, vice president of Heinz corporate and government affairs, told the Star-Ledger. Whew! Still, this is why we only use the most artisanal ketchups or something.

As you were Mr. Burns: