People always talk about getting back at cops for enforcing all those oppressive laws, but nobody ever puts down the Homer Simpson bong and does anything about it. Well, meet Ryan Burke, a hero to anyone who's ever dreamed of sticking it to the Man in a truly vile way. Burke's going up the river (for 15 days, served on weekends) for his deeds, but he gave a New Jersey police officer a mouthful he'll never forget.

The unidentified officer had stopped into the Good Foods to Go (formerly located in Marlton, New Jersey) last February to pick up lunch. The cop may not have remembered the shifty young man behind the counter, but Burke certainly remembered him—the officer had written him a traffic ticket a year earlier. Burke apparently lives by the maxim that revenge is a dish best served cold, and garnished with body hair, and so he added some special ingredients to the cop's turkey, egg and cheese bagel sandwich: hairs from his chest and groin area.

The Courier Post reports that the officer ate half the sandwich before realizing he'd been punk'd, and sent the remaining half to a state police lab for analysis. After Burke was arrested and his DNA obtained, tests confirmed that the hairs were his, and he pleaded guilty to aggravated assault on a law enforcement officer and retaliation for a past official action. He was sentenced this week, and will soon begin spending his weekends in jail, thinking gloating about what he's done. We believe he'll be sharing a cell with Pukemon and Jim Anchower.