Just as one brave global management company swept in to protect the world from a future devoid of cream-filled snack cakes and crappy hipster beer, so too will that company ensure every child has a right to watch an adult stab another adult from the safe confines of a ball pit. Apollo Global Management, savior of Hostess and the Pabst Brewing Company, has acquired Chuck E. Cheese.

Apparently times have been troubled for everyone's favorite family fun and entertainment center, and parent company CEC Entertainment Inc. has agreed to a $950 million buyout. Apollo, which also owns the company that makes PBR, notably bailed Hostess out last year, after the company's bankruptcy filing and subsequent liquidation threatened to snatch Twinkies out from every X-Box-clutching fist in the country.

It's unclear what changes the new ownership will bring for Chuck E. Cheese, or what this bodes for the slimmer, hipper "indie" Chuck that so unceremoniously replaced the tubby cheddar-gorging creature haunting our repressed memories of childhood birthday parties.