Bloomberg successfully raised the smoking age to 21 this week, meaning young people who want to exercise their right to destroy their own fragile lungs will have to wait an additional three years for the privilege. But at least the drinking age will remain sacred, right? Not necessarily.

One Brooklyn bar is setting a dangerous precedent for young revelers by raising the weekend drinking age to 25, an age at which plenty of New Yorkers are married, managing their own hedge funds and contemplating which Caribbean island they'd like to purchase upon their retirement, which will occur on the eve of their 28th birthdays. The scourge of male pattern baldness has already begun its slow and fatal creep on many a 25-year-old head, and women have been wearing eye cream for years. And lest we forget, 25 is just 25 short years from 50.

But Phil's Crummy Corner is going there, since apparently it's the only way to pacify pissed off neighbors sick of hearing booze-addled shrieks emanating from the Columbia Street bar on weekend nights, manager Isabel Santiago told DNAinfo. Because no one over the age of 25 has gotten drunk and acted churlish in a bar.

Phil's also bills itself as a "family restaurant," which makes some sense, since screaming toddlers do, in many ways, resemble screaming inebriates in training. “You will be shocked about the number of conversations you can hear from my bed,” one nearby resident said at a recent community meeting.“They're animals. Friday and Saturday night, it’s like animal town.”

Other possible steps may include an increased police presence near the bar, as well as mandating that it post notices "asking patrons to respect their neighbors," which seems effective—rambunctious drunks are excellent at minding signs.

But the best solution, it seems, would be simply to raise the drinking age to 75. In general, elderly limbs are less effective at hurling bottles, and most septuagenarians prefer to save their dwindling lung capacity for shouting at youths to get off their lawn. With one notable exception.