The unholiest of unions is upon us: Black Tap (known for their sickeningly sweet milkshake monsters) is now messing with wine. Pure, simple, precious wine, an elixir so perfect on its own that it should never be messed with. Frozen rosé (aka frosé) is certainly a cute little summer novelty drink, but even that never needed to happen, so mixing it with candy is just taking it too far. You have crossed a sacred line, Black Tap.
The establishment has teamed up with White Girl Rose to (according to the press release) "create the ultimate Frosé in true Black Tap style." What does that mean? It's pretty upsetting, tbh. It means the "frozen" rosé has been mixed with sour watermelon candy, peach rings, Swedish fish, a candy necklace, a whirly pop, and topped with a vanilla frosted Nerds rim. You will almost certainly be sick after drinking this.
They're serving it from July 24th through July 30th (locations here), but if you Instagram this atrocity I will personally come to your home and throw your phone in the garbage. Everyone involved gets this week's Liz Lemon Eyeroll Award—which you can pick up right here: