The key to obtaining a book deal is simple. Do you have a clever idea? A captivating tale? Throw that shit away. What you need is a blog, the premise of which is suitably obnoxious to keep people clicking, eyebrows raised and mouths locked in a moue of condescension, hour after hour, day after day. Is hate-clicking through a website—a website whose only purpose is to cajole its creator's boyfriend into "putting a ring on it"—the same as spending real cash money on a physical vessel? Of course not, but no one tell the publishing industry that.
David Zinczenko, who heads Random House’s new imprint, Zinc Ink, told the Post that he's been friends with Smith for a long time, even before she waded into the murky waters of sandwich servitude. “So when she told us about her romantic, passionate, and very funny quest to make her boyfriend 300 sandwiches, our first reaction was, “That’s a book.”
That's a book! No, Portnoy's Complaint is a book. "300 Sandwiches" is better left to the ephemeral World Wide Web. Satan already bequeathed us 40 Days of Dating. Can't we be done now?
Yesterday, Smith completed her 197th sandwich. Her fingers might be sore and reek eternally of pickled chutney, but her spirit remains strong. Her book is due out "around Valentine's Day," 2015. Will Smith have finally won her boyfriend's heart, by then coated with a scrim of melted gouda, by Valentine's Day, 2015? We'll have to wait for the movie to find out.