A few days ago, we were alerted to the existence of something called Sir Kensington’s Gourmet Scooping Ketchup, a "culturally-hip gourmet product" positioning itself as "a condiment to be reckoned with." We were intrigued by the claims in the press release and the packaging of this Gourmet Scooping Ketchup (henceforth to be referred to as "GSK"), which features a distinguished-looking gentleman in a tophat and monocle. Does humble ketchup, the beloved condiment of Americana-tinged dreams, really need a makeover?

It wouldn't be the first condiment to go artisanal: in today's mixed-up, crazy world, everything from mustard to mayo has gone upscale, but somehow, ketchup always seemed immune—the final frontier, if you will. Until now. Ultimately, we had to try it. Using a batch of French fries as our control, we tasted two versions of the fancy ketchup—classic ("elevated and reborn with a rich balance of sweet and salty") and spiced ("infused with chipotle peppers, cilantro, lime juice, and coriander"), alongside good old-fashioned Heinz. The result? The GSK was thick and viscous, reminding more than one person of marinara sauce. It wasn't bad—some of us even went back for double and triple dips—but it's tough to beat Heinz, which has scientifically-proven dippability levels and a pleasant (if artificial) tang.

Should you feel so inclined as to reckon with the GSK yourself, it is available here and here.