As far as publicity stunts go, this one isn't half bad. Midtown steakhouse Smith & Wollensky, which opened in 1977, is giving "Smith" the month off, and swapping out the name on the sign and awnings with random customers' handles for a day. The first to get his name up on the big board—and on the matchbooks, servers' jackets, and cocktail napkins—is one Andrew Fleiss, who works in finance, resides in the West Village, and says, "S&W is a culture, not just a dining establishment." Correction, sir: F&W.

To lend your name to a marketing gimmick, you just need to agree to the Smith & Wollensky pledge: "If I am taken to another steakhouse, I will politely direct the table conversation to the inferiority of the steakhouse to Smith & Wollensky. If I am hungry for a steak and do not find myself in the vicinity of a Smith & Wollensky, I will build a new Smith & Wollensky. If my significant other wants to try a new steakhouse, I will try a new significant other. If I must go to another steakhouse, I will go to Smith & Wollensky Chicago."

Oh, and when your hardened arteries finally block the flow of blood to your body, your next of kin mustn't sue. By the way, if you're curious about the illustrious history of the real Smith and Wollensky, we're sorry to disappoint you: founder Alan Stillman says he picked them at random out of a telephone book.