In what has to be the single most Upper West Side lawsuit in history, an 82-year-old grandmother is suing Trader Joe's after she was whacked in the head by a can of tuna. And for her trauma, she is seeking a mere $350,000 in damages. So much for Trader Joe's employees being too friendly.

Longtime customer Tatiana Strage claims in her lawsuit that she was shopping among the "screaming banshees" at the UWS 72nd Street location last February when the can fell from a high shelf and hit her on the bridge of the nose. She claims that two workers stood idly by while she bled and complained of head pain and dizziness. Eventually, they did hand her wipes and a Band-Aid, but it seems she expected something more—perhaps a few cheery inquiries regarding what she was up to that weekend, or if she'd seen that really cool documentary on the guys who competing for the world record in Donkey Kong.

Regardless, she feels their callousness warrants $350,000 in damages. Maybe she'll invoke a Seinfeldian Good Samaritan law...or maybe all she really wanted was the employees to apologize: