There's only a few more hours until Super Bowl 50 kicks off, and speculations about the evening are already running wild. Can the Denver Broncos pull off an upset? Will Cam Newton dab his way to victory? Will The Coldplays hold their own at halftime? Will any of this really matter once Beyonce has strutted through "Formation?"

The clock is ticking, and so in the interest of good food and timely gridiron virality, we're doing our part with a five-point-plan for chicken wing success. Odds are you're going to encounter a bowl of succulent, sauce-slathered poultry tonight&mdahs;here's how to handle them like an MVP.

1. The KGB Boneless Twist

Right off the bat, it might seem un-American to proffer tips from these Russian life-hackers, but there's no denying that they're on to something with this how-to clip. "You've probably been eating them completely wrong all your life," they neg, before showing how to twist and extract the bones from a typical wing, yielding nothing but delicious, dippable skin and meat.

2. The Lady-like Method

Apparently the folks at Foodbeast believe that women should eat their chicken wings differently. Their instructional video for "How To Eat Chicken Wings Like A Lady" cranks up the classical music and shows a young woman trying a variety of incorrect methods before...using the exact same "boneless twist" method as those Russians. Why the special "lady" description, then? Apparently nothing says "Superbowl Halftime Meal" like a little sexism.

3. The Pro-Approach/Meat Umbrella

This is Patrick. Patrick isn't like those other chicken wingers. Patrick is a pro. "With the Super Bowl coming up, these tips will be very helpful," he promises like a stone cold pro. Patrick warns us not to burn our mouths, gets in a solid celery slam, and then spins a drumette, devouring it in one bite like a pro. Be sure to stick around and learn the secrets of Patrick's "Meat Umbrella."

4. The One-Handed Grab

Because you'll definitely need one hand free to fire off that sick tweet. Also, take close note of the guy's shirt.

5. The Need-For-Speed

Time is of the essence. The clock is ticking. It's past the two-minute warning, and you've still got a full plate of wings to devour!?! Luckily "Tiny" Tim Rauscheder is here to show you how to eat wings so quickly, you'll be laughing as those silly bone-twisters sluggishly plod along.

BONUS: The I-Want-To-Die Approach

Less of a wing-eating method and more of a wing-eating cautionary tale, Fred Barnet ate nothing but chicken wings for a month, which also apparently helped support our troops? Nothing is truly more patriotic than overindulging.