Some say there is a right way and a wrong way to eat pizza. This is completely subjective. What is not subjective: there are people who know how to eat pizza, and people who don't know how to eat pizza. And as a documented pizza-eater and pizza correspondent, I am uniquely qualified on this subject.
If your face is covered in tomato sauce, you don't know how to eat pizza.
If your pizza is about to ride up your nostril, you don't know how to eat pizza.
If the pizza is at any point hovering above your head, you don't know how to eat pizza.
If you try to re-enact the ceramic scene from Ghost but with pizza, you don't know how to eat pizza.
If you eat pizza with a napkin underneath and end up ingesting the napkin, you don't know how to eat pizza.
If someone is holding a gun to your head, you don't know how to eat pizza.
If you are a baby, you don't know how to eat pizza.
In the world of stock images, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: people who seemingly know how to eat pizza, and people who definitely don't know how to eat pizza. These are their stories.
