Have you ever listened to your upstairs neighbor drag things across the floor for, somehow, hours? But you can't escape because your apartment is a 200-square-foot studio, so instead you jam earplugs into your ears and put headphones on and blast "Calming Seas #1 - 11 Hours Ocean Waves Sounds" as you peruse real estate websites and dream of a better life/top floor apartment? Or maybe, fuck it, joining the exodus to L.A.? I am very sensitive to noise, so I do this at least once a week.

The other day I mixed things up by checking out Corcoran, the fancy people's rental site, and saw this listing on their front page. It has haunted me since, particularly the soothingly soundtracked video they included in the listing. The background music in the video for my rental was just my upstairs neighbor stomping around while dropping shit on the floor and gently screaming.

Did you even know that some people pay $100,000/month for rent? And that their rent includes fresh flowers "provided and installed by a renowned local florist" on a weekly basis?

Other things you get for that kind of money include "an expansive landscaped terrace accessed from every room," and a second wrap-around terrace on a totally different floor. That includes "an outdoor bar and covered pergola, three separate, private outdoor showers and seating area, [and] a small spa."

Click here if you'd like to know more, but what that listing won't tell you is that you can lead a completely fulfilling and happy and meaningful life in whatever shithole you're living in now. You don't need some fancy outdoor shower overlooking Central Park, you can regret the decisions you've made in life right there in the tub in your kitchen.