Wednesday's World Cup action brought us another hat trick, more Messi, creative explanations for Luis Suarez, hair cuts, planes filled with money, and a steely rejection of Ann Coulter.
Last Night's Action
Bosnia-Herzegovina 3, Iran 1 (HIGHLIGHTS) It was too late for it to make any difference in their tournament fate, but Bosnia-Herzegovina won their first ever World Cup match, easily knocking off Iran. Edin Dzeko and Miralem Pjanic scored the opening two goals as Iran rarely threatened. Iran finally showed signs of life in the 82nd minute when Reza Ghoochannejhad scored an easy tap-in for Iran's first and only goal of the tournament. Avdija Vrsajevic's insurance goal a minute later ended hope for the Iranians.
Nigeria 2, Argentina 3 (HIGHLIGHTS) It was Leo Messi vs. Ahmed Musa, as every time the Argentine star would score, Nigeria would answer back just minutes later. A goal from each inside the first five minutes put the scoreline at 1-1 early. Messi would score just before the halftime interval on a free kick, but Musa would level the match again two minutes into the second half. Argentina's Marcos Rojo scored the game winner in the 50th minute, but the Nigerian Super Eagles won't be crestfallen, as Iran's loss ensured they advance to the Round of 16 anyhow.
Ecuador 0, France 0 (HIGHLIGHTS) France grabbed the top of group E with a scoreless draw. Ecuador were forced to play with 10 men after a straight red to Antonio Valencia early in the second half. France refused to sit back, managing 21 shots on the afternoon, but the draw was enough for them to guarantee their Round of 16 match would be with Nigeria instead of Argentina. The result, combined with the Swiss win, eliminated Ecuador from the tournament.
Honduras 0, Switzerland 3 (HIGHLIGHTS) Xherdan Shaqiri became the second player at the 2014 World Cup to complete a hat trick, rocking a lackluster Honduras side and sending the Swiss through. Honduras head home as the third team to end the tournament without a single point.
The Play To Watch
Here's Messi's second goal, a stunning free kick, taken from behind the Nigerian goal:
USA vs. Germany (12PM ET, ESPN)
Portugal vs. Ghana (12PM ET, ESPN2)
US productivity will grind to a halt around lunch. The US either needs any result (win or tie) against Germany, a tie in the Portugal-Ghana match, or a loss where they still hold the tiebreaker to advance to the Round of 16. With all four teams still looking to punch their tickets, expect a lot of hearts in throats for two hours this afternoon. For more, read our preview from the USMNT camp.
Of course, there's now a chance the Group G finale is postponed, as severe flooding has drenched Recife this morning. The match officials will make a decision at 11AM ET.
Algeria vs. Russia (4PM ET, ESPN2)
South Korea vs. Belgium (4PM ET, ESPN)
Belgium are already through to the next round, but the remaining teams will look to secure the final spot in the Round of 16. Odds are on whoever wins Algeria vs. Russia, as South Korea would need to shock the group leaders and get help from Russia to make it on.
Need a spot to watch the games? Check out our venue guides for NYC, DC, LA, and San Francisco.
What Else Is Going On?
The disciplinary hearing on Luis Suarez's latest bite got underway Wednesday, with a decision expected Thursday. The Uruguayan FA is claiming it's a vast smear campaign and that the bite marks on Chiellini's shoulder were photoshopped.
The Atlantic had a chat with World Cup siblings like Ryan Dempsey, Nick Besler, and Mike Zusi.
Another great reason to be pro-soccer: Ann Coulter hates it.
Ghana's players had threatened to boycott their final group stage match today over lack of payment, but it was nothing a plane filled with $3M couldn't fix.
Will Ferrell crashed the US Soccer party in Recife:
ESPN's Ian Darke, who will call today's USA-Germany match, blogged some thoughts on Brazil. Spoilers: it's very hot, and cheese bread is delicious.
Lastly: props to this guy for his new haircut in honor of Mexican goalkeeper Guillermo Ochoa: