Stuck somewhere in purgatory, with luxury condos stalling mid-development and local gangs slashing hipsters with machetes, Williamsburg might as well just be opening up its gutter punk track-marked arms to religions of any kind. And it is!

Tomorrow night the followers of the Cult of Michael Jackson will officially converge to become an actual thing that exists as they open the "first chapel praising the life and teachings of Michael Jackson." Oddly, they claim this was in the works as of last year, but say, "In light of recent tragic events, the chapel will be a place for fans to gather, pay their respects, and worship the artistry of Michael Jackson." We call suspect, someone get fingerprints on their leader, everyone knows religions are way better when there's a dead guy to worship. The chapel will be open starting tomorrow, and remain open through October, at 168 North 6th Street.

Meanwhile, just a hop, skip and moonwalk away, the Mormons will be getting together to cleanse McCarren Park. The Brooklyn Eagle reports that "Approximately 70 young adults and their leaders from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints will gather at McCarren Park in Brooklyn this Saturday. Volunteers will be cleaning, painting, gardening, repairing and refurbishing. This is part of the church’s policy of encouraging service, humanitarian projects and local work projects among its members." We're just one Mennonite subway performance at the Bedford L stop away from really putting some fear into the hipster hellmouth of Brooklyn.