Imagine, if you want, a universe in which both Snoopy and his flights of fancy are real, and those fantasies for some reason involve taking a whiz while walking with his back two legs raised in the air.
Over in Williamsburg, such a scenario exists, thanks to Augie, an 8-year-old beagle, and his preference for peeing while also performing a handstand.
“It’s the wackiest thing," Augie's owner Justin McCarthy told the Post. "People go crazy when they see him…they usually run over and say ‘Hey wait a minute, did you train that dog to do that?’ which I find hysterical. That’d be a weird thing to train a dog to do.”
Apparently, Augie just taught himself. "In the early stages he’d just start to tip over and do sort of a cartwheel," recalls McCarthy. "I think he got frustrated with that so instead of falling down, he’d just stay up and now he does it pretty much all the time."
Augie appears to have made major strides since his initial struggles. On Tuesday, McCarthy uploaded four of these adorable pee tapes to his YouTube page, including one in which the talented pup manages to pee all over a maze-like sculpture garden.
In another, Augie happily saunters and slashes alongside an outdoor fountain, like a Manneken Pis in an alternate reality ruled by bipedal beagles. That video currently has 10 views, and I am nine of them.
According to McCarthy, veterinarians don't know why the beagle pees like this—one suggested that he might be a neat-freak, while another guessed he might be trying to make himself larger, as terriers tend to do.
My theory is that Augie is a good boy with an oddball imagination and the decency to bring some news to the internet that won't leave the rest of humanity wanting to scratch our eyeballs out. Thank you, Augie.