whittlz_big.jpgThe Basics
Age and occupation. How long have you lived here, where did you come from, and where do you live now?
I am a 28 year old freelance collector of unemployment. In a past life, I taught theater at NYU, and now I seem to have devolved into some sort of writer/editor thing. I've lived here for 10 years, was born and raised in the great state of Texas, and am currently a proud resident of Queens.

3Q4U
1. You are probably too modest, but late at night, when you're alone, do you congratulate yourself and only yourself for getting stories in the Best American Nonrequired Reading?
Honestly, I am thrilled about everything we've pulled off this year, but late at night, when I'm alone, I mostly have anxiety attacks about the day people discover that Pindeldyboz is operated out of my bedroom on a first-generation iMac that sits on a desk stacked with unread submissions, and that 95 percent of the time I am in the other room watching VH1.

2. What do you do to those poor people that you've gone through nine poetry editors over there at Pindeldyboz?
I make them read poetry?

3. I grew to know your father from your work about him on McSweeney's. How is he and his new (probably old by now) bass doing?
Dad's good, he's doing very well, and so, I assume, is the bass. He had a rough patch back in the late summer, though, when he went to go see "Pirates of the Caribbean" (my father, you'll recall, really likes boats) and fell madly in love with Johnny Depp, only to be completely betrayed two days later when Depp compared America to a big stupid puppy with sharp teeth. You see, my father watches a lot of the Fox News.

Proust-Krucoff Questionnaire
Time travel question: What era, day or event in New York's history would you like to re-live?
Let's go back to 1994, when my friend Becky and I were looking for an apartment. Let's go back to the day when we stood outside a floor-through on Avenue B and 10th Street that probably cost a rent-stabilized $800 but was in a neighborhood we deemed "too scary." And let's just give ourselves a nice whack upside the head, shall we? Thank you.

9pm, Wednesday night - what are you doing?
Singing 80's covers at Amanda Stern's super-hott Happy Ending Reading Series.

What's your New York motto?
I don't like to be touched.

Best celebrity sighting in New York, or personal experience with one if you're that type.
Freshman year at NYU, we were assigned to go see a play at Playwrights Horizons, up on 42nd Street. My friend Andrea and I were seated next to an elderly man who turned to us and said, "Why are all of you young people here tonight?" and Andrea said, "We go to Playwrights Horizons Theater School, and we're here for class," and the elderly man said, "Oh, are you a playwright?" and Andrea said, "Well, I mean, yeah, I write some stuff sometimes," and the elderly man said, "I'm a playwright," and Andrea said, "That's nice." At intermission, we were informed that we'd been sitting next to Arthur Miller.

Describe that low, low moment when you thought you just might have to leave NYC for good.
How about that low, low moment when I did leave NYC, for Arkansas, and spent a year living in a single-wide trailer off the side of a highway with my stray dog, Buster? Now do you want to ask about the low, low moment when I knew I had to come back to NYC for good? Five words: drunk in a chicken house.

What's the most expensive thing in your wardrobe?
As soon as I can afford to get it fixed, my chipped front tooth will be worth close to $500.

Finish one of the four following sentences:
3) "I hate computers for replacing the card catalog in the New York Public Library and I hate the way..."
...George Steinbrenner has systematically dismantled the team that won him four World Championships and replaced it with a bunch of high-paid soulless mercenaries. What are we, the Marlins? Oh, wait, the Marlins WON the Series. A-Rod or not, I'm pissed.

Where do you summer?
The Bohemian Beer Garden in Astoria, Queens.

Who do you consider to be the greatest New Yorker of all-time? (Name up to three if you must.)
Dorothy Parker. Woody Allen. David Letterman.

What was your best dining experience in NYC?
One time I ate 12 tacos in a Taco Bell eating contest. And then I vomited a lot. I'm sorry, what was the question?

What happened the last time you went to L.A.?
I was 12, and I think we attended a taping of "Wings." It was terrifying.

Medication: What and how much do you take?
Nada. I am almost painfully well-adjusted. Also, all the booze helps. Did I mention tonight (Tuesday) is Day 21 of Drinkathon 2004? As a friend put it this morning: my drinking binge is old enough to drink!

If you could change one thing about New York, what would it be?
I need some sort of monorail between Astoria and Williamsburg and Park Slope. Don't try and tell me that's what the G is for. The G is useless. When I was in college, the G was rumored to be driven by robots. And as we all know: robots are evil.

The End of The World is finally happening. Be it the Rapture, War of Armageddon, reversal of the Sun's magnetic field, or the Red Sox win the World Series. What are you going to do with your last 24 hours in NYC?
Walk from Battery Park to the Cloisters, smoking one cigarette inside every bar I pass. Unless the Red Sox are winning the World Series, at which point I will be curled in a fetal position on my couch, screaming obscenities at the television.


Whitney's online home is Whittlz.com. Drinkathon 2004 came to a tragic end on Sunday, February 22nd, after 26 days. By tragic end, it just means it ended. Check out her Village Voice article about blogs ruining her life. We have no idea what she's talking about.