You know the drill: People — maybe you, maybe your friends and loved ones — hit a certain life mark in New York City and start to feel an itch. Or maybe not an itch so much as a freezing feeling of dread, like if they stay here with the trash tumbleweeds blowing by and the rat ladle looming overhead, their souls will spontaneously combust and already they can smell the smoke. Something inside them dies, and then they realize that if they don't GET OUT NOW the disease will spread, so they pack up and move to more scenic climes. In the narrative you know, this typically means Los Angeles, where much of the scenery is obscured by smog, but whatever. The relentlessly good, allegedly restorative weather supposedly makes up for it.

This is a familiar tale, this Goodbye to All That, and however relatable/common it might be, it is also tired. So, feast your eyes upon this Williamsburg home and feel yourself refreshed. This house (35 Devoe Street) has bucked tradition, looking like it fled L.A. for Brooklyn, I mean how else do you explain the pool in the backyard?

Where do you think we are, pool?

Zillow

Excuse me? A backyard pool in NYC, a pool with a goddang sun deck attached? Where do you think we are, pool? Bel Air?!

We're also receiving reports that the pool turns purple at dusk, which certainly seems like some witchy shit L.A. would be extremely into.

What kind of witchcraft is this?

Zillow

Step inside 35 Devoe Street, and you will see all white everything, as L.A. resident Kim Kardashian famously said, quoting Young Jeezy. White walls! White wood! White rugs! White cabinets! White sofas! All the better to reflect the natural light that pours in through your big airy windows when you live in L.A. but not necessarily when you live here in New York. That's one way you can tell this house came from somewhere else; another is the fact that wall-to-wall neutrals immediate show even a whisper of dirt. Tramp in here with your filthy city feet and it's all over.

Pristine.

Zillow

The fiddle leaf fig and midcentury modern accents are more or less ubiquitous, in terms of 'grammable minimalist decor.

Zillow

One odd thing about 35 Devoe Street's Zillow listing is that it includes exactly zero pictures of the front of the house, leading Gothamist editorial director Jen Carlson to speculate that "maybe the front is permanently on fire." Unfortunately the front looks pretty regular, although as you can see, an above-average number of shrubs do live there. Still, permafire could be eye-catching, if also dangerous. And maybe insensitively on-the-nose.

Front view, not aflame.

Google Street View

Anyway, if you are feeling that very specific itch-slash-crushing-dread, this house could be your answer. True, it's currently listed at $3.65 million, a price that becomes even more wild in light of its 1998 purchase price ($187,000), but hey there are four bedrooms and three baths! And maybe that's enough to save your brain from burning. Maybe, but probably not. [h/t Caroline Moss]