Welcome to New York, 15. (Getty)

The new seven-foot-tall New Year's Eve numerals have arrived in Times Square, and will now be installed atop One Times Square for the big night. Upon their arrival here, we just have a few words for these numerals.

15—can we call you 15?—please don't judge the entire city on what you see from your superior vantage point that night. Don't be Eckleburg's eyes looming over our own valley of ashes drunks. Between us, there are very few New Yorkers who actually attend the event you'll be helping preside over. No offense to you, of course. You didn't ask for any of this.

That's really all we have to say, as there's little consolation we can offer you. You're about to go through one long night, featuring not just inebriated out-of-towners, but Ryan Seacrest, One Direction, Fergie, Jenny McCarthy... well, at least Taylor Swift will be there, but you're fooling yourself if you don't think she's going to make you suffer through her "Welcome to New York" jingle. We'd invite you over to Brooklyn after, but we'll already be asleep.