"New York is too crowded for BMX," says you, a square who has never seen professional BMX rider and Queens native Nigel Sylvester tear across a packed Brooklyn Bridge while tourists dive in abject terror out of his path.

"Woo!" he cries, nearly decapitating some pedestrians as he careens through Chinatown. "Hey, you can't ride in here!" a perturbed boutique clerk shouts as he rolls across the hardwood floors. "Ha, yeah whatever," he sniffs, already back on the street, salmoning up 3rd Avenue.

"I love this city, man," he says in Times Square, despite having nearly smashed everyone in it under his wheels. Watch the whole thing for the twist ending, and the closest you'll ever come to getting hit by a mail truck, hopefully!

(h/t DNAinfo)