Has Zardulu started training her rat children to perform whimsical dances for bored straphangers? Or has one solitary rat seen an opening to try out its own Showtime! routine? These are the kinds of questions that haunted us as we clicked on the video below and watched a giant rat (the size of a squirrel!) slide up and down the pole of an F train. The fact that the uploader decided to film it in the style of Cloverfield only adds to the shaky cam horror of it all.

If Zardulu can get rats inside Metrocard machines, should we really doubt she can make them dance too? This truly is the stuff of cirque du subway nightmares. Then again, if you're thinking of basing your "why I'm leaving New York" essay on this, maybe you should consider the fact that there are snakes and vampire bats and poisonous spiders and, yes, rats all over the world ready to creep into your home and nibble on your toes—real New Yorkers don't bat an eye at a rat performing a burlesque routine just to bring some cheese home to its family. We've definitely seen worse things.