We've learned a few things sifting through YouTube videos of people (mostly children) tearing open their Christmas presents. First, remember houses? Those big structures with lush carpeting, overstuffed sofas, and myriad fugly tchotchkes? Yeah, people still live in those, and they have plenty of space to completely lose their shit when discovering that Santa just brought them Maroon 5 tickets:

We also learned that nothing makes an American teenage girl erupt in glass-shattering screams more than a NEW... CELLULAR... PHONE. It's hard for us to feel too superior though, because we had a similar reaction when the exterminator gave us a fat stack of COMPLIMENTARY cockroach glue traps a mere two days before Christmas:

This one is pretty touching. We wish we'd reacted with such soulful, heartfelt emotion when we scored tickets to Marc Anthony at the Barclays Center, but we just scalped them on eBay and paid our Time Warner bill. This beautiful woman here weeps with the grateful joy of three generations of devoted Marc Anthony fans. RESPECT:

To put this next one in terms we can understand, the American Girl doll appears to be the 2012 equivalent of the Laser Tag 2 Blaster Battle Pack we so desperately wanted for Christmas in 1987 (but did NOT receive), and this is how we WOULD have reacted had we received it, instead of the boom box with the Dire Straits Greatest Hits cassette which—while greatly appreciated and life-changing—could not shoot freaking lazers at our friends and enemies. Had we been given Lazer Tag that Christmas instead of an Important Life Lesson in not always getting what you want, this is how we would have reacted, but with much more girlish shrieking:

Hey little boy, you're blessed with a solidly middle class American family and every conceivable advantage in life as well as dope pajamas and thick wall-to-wall carpeting—what are you going to do next?

As an added bonus, here's another Going-To-Disneyland video—be sure you watch the last part, in which an ecstatic sister asks her reserved older brother, "DON'T YOU GET IT?"

Last but not least, we present our inner child. Sure, he's hamming it up a little bit, but come on; LEGO MILLENNIUM FALCON BITCHES! We suddenly wish we were friends with this kid, but that would probably be a little weird: