We harp a lot about subway etiquette. Don't spread your legs, don't spit your sunflower seeds all over the floor, don't be Michael Cera, don't let your balls peek out from an unfortunately placed trouser hole, don't do this, don't do that, you know what, just SHUT UP GOTHAMIST AND LET ME RIDE THE DAMN SUBWAY OK?

How, then, would perfect subway etiquette look? (That's rhetorical, the answer can be found here.) How would extreme subway etiquette look? What is the absolute minimum amount of space a human soul still bound by corporeal form can take up on the train?

Sometimes such dumb ideas are best left to idle speculation. Other times, you grab the speculation by the horns. You assemble a motley crew of game contortionists. You put them on the train, and you tell them to bend themselves into living, breathing pretzels. There! Now we have answers. It might have been easier to just pose a Quora question, but whatever.

Some positions, like the Rusty Window Washer, actually do economize space! Others, like the Sitting Crain, just sort of amused us. It's important to point out this video was shot in good fun. The straphangers who appeared gave their permission to be filmed, and the response was one of uniform amusement. Plus, contortion is done silently, without noisy musical accompaniment.

Anyway, this is the subway. Most people were too lost in their own worlds to even notice.

Video by Jeff Seal. Contortion by Jared Rydelek, Natasha King, Crystelle Reola and Ziporah Roney.