This week, Donald Trump sent senior policy advisor and "national forehead reserve" Stephen Miller to talk to reporters about controversial legislation that would slash annual legal immigration to the country in half over the next decade. Miller's press conference ended up in a heated exchange with CNN's Jim Acosta over the history of the Statue Of Liberty, which left Stephen Colbert dumbfounded last night. "I have never seen a presidential administration refuse to fully endorse the Statue of Liberty," he said. "What are they gonna do next? 'I don't know, Liberty Bell? I like bells that don't crack. Doesn't seem right.'"
Talking about Emma Lazarus's poem, one of the points of contention between Miller and Acosta, Colbert agreed that it is an aspirational document, like "love your neighbor as yourself, or all men are created equal, or employees must wash hands before returning to work." But in light of the Trump administration's stance, Colbert proposed an updated version of the poem, which he read wearing Statue Of Liberty cosplay:
"Give me your wealthy, your rich, your huddled M.B.A.s yearning to be tax-free. Send these, the English-speaking, fully insured, to me. I lift my lamp beside the golden door, and lift my leg upon your filthy poor. P.S. no fatties, please."
Colbert also covered the leaked phone calls between Trump and the leaders of Mexico and Australia from earlier this year—and he came to the defense of "the local milk people" whose job Trump can't remember. "For someone who talks constantly about representing the forgotten men and women, the little people working the little jobs, he can't even remember the job 'dairy farmer,'" Colbert said. He then imitated Trump's voice: "'I tell ya, I care so much about the forgotten Americans. I will protect the small town jobs of the milk people, the underground shovel and electricity folks, and the make-the-corn-not-be-on-the-plant-but-in-my-mouth guys. I love those guys.'"
In case you missed it, Colbert also had Cartoon Donald Trump read actual quotes from Trump's WSJ interview last week "because they were too crazy to be seen only on paper."
And finally, Arcade Fire brought their increasingly exhausting marketing campaign-slash-new album promotion to the show, performing the ABBA-esque "Everything Now" and synth-heavy "Creature Comfort" (along with a parody ad from the "Everything Now Corporation").