During a rally on Monday, Donald Trump ranted about late night comedians, calling Jimmy Fallon a "lost soul," Jimmy Kimmel "terrible," and saying of Stephen Colbert: “The guy on CBS, what a lowlife. Honestly, are these people funny? And I can laugh at myself. Frankly if I couldn’t I would be in big trouble. But they have no talent. They’re not, like, talented people. Johnny Carson was talented."

In response, the guy on CBS—who has been relentlessly savaging Trump in his opening monologues on a nightly basis with arguably the best political satire of our ongoing national nightmare—called a summit of late night comedians for the cold open of his Late Show with Stephen Colbert last night, substituting Kimmel (who is on vacation this week) for Conan O'Brien, who is really into shaving his chest these days.

While that segment was more of a gentle wink at Trump's nasty rhetoric, Colbert saved the really good stuff for his monologue. "Hey Mr. President! I will not stand here and let you talk that way about James Corden," Colbert said in response to the Trump remark about "the guy on CBS." After Colbert showed off how talented he really is (via an odd ear trick), he said, "I think he called me 'the guy on CBS' because he's afraid to say my name. This rally was in South Carolina and I'm a favorite son of the Palmetto State...those people know I love them. That's why he didn't say my name. You say my name three times there and I appear. It's actually very hard on my personal life."

"I am South Carolina to the core," he continued. "I am a creature made of boiled peanuts and shrimp. You can cut me open and count the rings of BBQ. I am South Carolina's second favorite celebrity, right after the Confederate flag." And he ended the segment with a classic Johnny Carson joke from 1992 with a killer Trump punchline.

Colbert also had Laura Benanti's Melania Trump return to the show with more clothes to distract people from real issues, including an "F THE KIDS" hat ("It stands for 'first the kids'"), a "BELIEVE MY CLOTHING" shirt ("Stop looking at my shirt, my lies are up here!") and a jacket reading, "HOW MANY MONSTROUS ACTS DO I HAVE TO SUPPORT BEFORE PEOPLE FINALLY START SEEING ME AS COMPLICIT IN THIS?" Don't thank her, thank her personal stylist Stephen Miller.