After regaling us with stories of texting with Bruce BROOOOOOCE Springsteen and performing slam poetry about Full House, America's Most Beloved Thespian Tom Hanks showed up on The Colbert Report last night—not to promote his new movie Cloud Atlas, but to show off some awesome costume ideas, including Oscar-denied heroes, Fed Ex employees, other classic Hanks characters, and...Matt Damon. "My career speaks for itself," Hanks reminded viewers, "and is available on DVD and Blu-Ray! You know, it makes a great sugar-free alternative to Halloween candy, what with America's childhood obesity epidemic." Watch below.

Colbert's hero, Bill O'Reilly, refused to jump into the fray after Colbert's brilliant bit about Indiana Senate candidate Richard Mourdock (see below) and his rape comments: “Fellas, you may not be aware of this, but in 1920, women got the right to vote...If you're about to talk about rape, stab yourself in the eye with a pencil!" But he did comment about Colbert revealing that he got some supportive advice from him when he was just starting out: "I don’t even remember giving him that advice....I thought the advice I gave Colbert was ‘get out of the business.’ I think that’s what I told him. He didn’t take it."