The real Stephen Colbert thinks Trump's proposed budget—which includes cuts to the EPA, Meals on Wheels, and other programs that benefit the poor and elderly—is heartless, but he brought on his favorite fiscally conservative pundit to defend the plan: 'Stephen Colbert.' And he brought with him another classic segment of "The Werd": "The primary goal of Trump's budget is not driving Cheetos to grandpa after he gets the munchies from his glaucoma pot," this Colbert asserted. "It's defending America. And these food-addicted seniors haven't killed any members of ISIS."
This Colbert defended Office of Management and Budget director Mick Mulvaney’s comments that the Trump budget is "compassionate" to taxpayers: "Yes, you can’t just focus on helping the needy and forget the people whose taxes pay for it," he said. "That’s like praying for the accident victim who needed a transfusion and forgetting about the guy who’s walking around a pint light now. Give that guy a cookie!"
As for Meals on Wheels ("Yes, it's called Meals on Wheels, but how often do you see a hamburger driving down the highway?"), he argued, "Folks, I know what you're saying...they brought food to the elderly. Well, technically, yes...and we all know what happens to food after we eat it: we are literally throwing money down the toilet."
Colbert ended the segment with a nod to his viewers: "My real worry here is that a lot of people might go to house.gov and find out how to call their Congressman and tell them to protect kids and old people," he said.
Colbert also introduced a new segment: Steve Bannon's bathtub musings, including, "Birth control turns women into werewolves." It's not NSFW, but it's not exactly safe for your blood pressure.