There really are websites for Trump supporters to date each other—TrumpSingles is a real app, though who knows whether anyone is using it—but Seth Meyers and his team at Late Night have come up with their own version, Trump Mingles, a tremendous and fantastic tool that is neither sad nor failing. "I just started kissing her, I couldn't even wait," one man said in a testimonial. "When you're a Trump Mingle user, they let you do it."
Meyers also had a couple of things to say to overtly-racist Iowa Representative Steve King about his overtly-racist tweets about other people's babies. "In case you're still wondering if your tweet was racist, you got a shoutout from David Duke," he said. "As a general rule of thumb, when the former grand wizard of the KKK chimes in to say he agrees with you, it's time to re-examine your stance. If you make a pork chop and Guy Fieri says, 'This is delicious,' throw out the recipe."
Stephen Colbert started off his show by assessing Winter Storm Stella (a.k.a. Winter Storm Crazy Balls) and talking to one of the Late Show's "standing outside" team members, Brian Stack. "My eyes and ears are stinging, and my ears are gonna snap off Stephen, can I please come back in?! I'm not a meteorologist!" Stack said. "For the love of god have mercy! Is this about the yogurt I took out of the fridge, I thought that was for everybody!"
Colbert later delved into Paul Ryan's struggles to convince people the GOP healthcare bill doesn't suck, and the audio of him vowing to fight Trump that was leaked by Breitbart. "So, why would Breitbart, a far-right website, go after Ryan at this vulnerable time?" Colbert asked. "Well it turns out, they think the new healthcare plan isn't conservative enough, because, 'it does not repeal ObamaCare.' Yeah, 24 million people losing health insurance doesn't go far enough, they want health care as the founders intended: dying at 35 of Scrivener's Dropsy."
