There are only ever cute kittens and cute puppies in those animal carriers you see people toting around on the subway. If there is ever anything else in one of those, you are dreaming and it's probably a nightmare and there's probably a snake in there and you are probably on a really crowded subway stuck next to the snake, who definitely looks like he can slice that netting open with his tongue. WAKE UP, that nightmare is real!

Feeling okay that the snake is in a bag? Thinking to yourself, "Stop overreacting, this rarely happens"? Then you are living in the same delusional world as MTA spokesman Adam Lisberg, who told us, "Fortunately, this is not a regular enough issue that we need Samuel L. Jackson to record an automated announcement for subway cars about it." But you guys... look at all these motherf*ckin' snakes on the motherf*ckin' subway!

As a reminder, animals must be kept in a carrier on the subway. ESPECIALLY SNAKES.