Okay, so this isn't the real Dov Charney, but we're going to assume it's pretty close. The parody was written and directed by UCB's Todd Bieber—be sure to watch the whole video for whispered lexical gems like, "I want you to know that you can trust me, okay?"

P.S. American Apparel really does sell Sharpies. Sexy Sharpies that they call "the Tom Selleck of fine point markers."