The HLN channel—aka Headline News, aka CNN Headline News, aka the world's premiere elevator news resource—hosted a segment about Edward Snowden joining Twitter today. For some reason, they brought comedian and Twitter troll Jon Hendren, aka @fart, on to discuss the topic. Hendren was more interested in defending Edward Scissorhands than Edward Snowden.
"Casting him out is completely wrong," Hendren said. "We're treating him like an animal, somebody who should be quarantined and put away. Just because he was created on top of a mountain by Vincent Price, and incomplete, with scissors for hands and no heart...Edward Scissorhands is a complete hero to me."
The best part is that HLN anchor Yasmin Vossoughian never got flustered, even when Hendren very seriously shifted the conversation to note, "People didn't get scared until he started sculpting shrubs into dinosaur shapes and whatnot." Vossoughian just forges ahead in the conversation, either because she is a consummate professional, or because she wasn't listening to what he was saying because it's all garbage used to fill time between commercials anyway.
in all sincerity i really did believe we were talking about Edward Scissorhands
— jon hendren (@fart) September 30, 2015
On HLN, Jon Hendren just compared Snowden to Edward Scissorhands. What a fricking idiot.
— John Demeny (@wookawookafresh) September 30, 2015
@fart and thank u for starting a national conversation on the treatment of the scissorhanded
— andy levy (@andylevy) September 30, 2015
Esquire asked Hendren why HLN—whose motto on Twitter is, "We're not the news network, you are"—would ask him on in the first place: "I honestly don't know. I got an email last night asking if I wanted to come on and replied immediately saying, "Yes I absolutely would," before I even read the entire email." He added, "I think a couple years ago I tweeted something in support of him? I'm guessing they must have found it by searching for something. This maybe?"
— jon hendren (@fart) June 21, 2013
"I have no clue what they knew or didn't know about me. I really wanted to ask, but I didn't want to ruin it by asking how they found me," Hendren said. "I believe Edward Scissorhands is a hero and was unfairly treated by the American people. I was surprised that they didn't cut me off immediately, so I just kept rolling with it assuming at some point they'd hang up, and they never did for some reason."
Damn his subterfuge! If only there had been some sort of clue to tip off HLN that maybe Hedren wasn't the right person to approach...if only there was something staring them right in the face...
— Alex Schelldorf (@alexschelldorf) September 30, 2015