Ever since he bowed out of the presidential race, real life Pillsbury Doughboy Newt Gingrich has been busy...well, he hasn't been busy with much, besides writing Downton Abbey fanfic. The man obviously needed something to do in between romantic cruises, so he and the crack team at Gingrich Productions have been hard at work trying to come up with a new name for the cellphone that isn't "smartphone," because Newt has apparently never heard of a smartphone. Hopefully he has his A team on this one.

In the video above, Newt explains his frustration with the term cellphone without ever mentioning the word smartphone, which is the word he is looking for. "To call this a “cell phone” or a “handheld computer” fails to capture the change that has taken place," he says, neglecting to use the word smartphone. "It is a change in kind, not just a change in scale, and just as drivers of the earliest cars called them 'horseless carriages,' our language has not caught up," he adds, again neglecting to use the term smartphone.

But because we're feeling generous, let's just run with this one and see if we can come up with a better term than smartphone just for Newt to use. Rotaryless Phonographic Talk Box? Mini Facebook Beeper? 10 Person Video Chat Locator Doohickey? Internet Pocket Voice Activation Device? Phonesmart? The Newt? Tiffany's Credit Line Voice Extendicator? Martphone-say? Portable Wife #4?