Donald Trump might be impatient, vain and horny for malice, but he is not particularly articulate. Which makes Office of Management and Budget Director Mick Mulvaney's claim that Trump's federal budget plan was based on the noises that come out of Trump's face quite dubious. John Oliver tried to piece together exactly how they put together this budget proposal, and how Trump's con artist act is starting to rub even his supporters the wrong way.
After showing a clip of Trump speaking in his native "toddler psychopath" language, specifically about how Putin's nuclear "is tippy-top" compared to the United States', Oliver interpreted him: "Let's trickle-dickle some money-bunnies into our boom-boom budget. We're aiming for tippy-top people because remember we're talking about the most lethal weapons in the history of mankind. So, if we can, tippy-tippy-top."
Amidst all the terrible cuts to non-defense discretionary spending, Oliver did find one thing to compliment Trump about: "Making big cuts to things like the State Department, international development and EPA isn't just short-sighted: it doesn't even make fiscal sense," he explained. "The EPA is currently responsible for .2 percent of federal spending, and the State Department and USAID is 1.4 percent. So you don't cut those agencies as a cost-saving measure; you do it as a fuck you. It is the budgetary equivalent of inviting Mitt Romney out to dinner at Jean Georges before not offering him a cabinet position—and I will say that was awesome by the way. Trump is so consistently monstrous, sometimes out of sheer coincidence, he happens to do something amazing. Trump is truly the stopped clock of a**holes."
Watch below as Oliver finds the true silver lining to all of Trump's buffoonish attempts at governing—namely, that he has begun to alienate his own voters by cutting funding to things like keeping airports in areas of the country that are not major cities: "This budget will literally turn them into flyover country because there won't be an airport there anymore." But at least more and more people are catching onto Trump's prevarications?
In the final segment of the evening, Oliver tried to find some positive news to combat all the depressing Trump news, which led to him explaining how the Bolivian city of La Paz started using people in traffic zebra outfits to curb traffic accidents. They provide jobs for people AND they bring joy to people's lives with their insistent dancing. So Oliver put up footage of a zebra dancing in front of a green screen so you can add it to a video of your choice.