After a special panel with director JJ Abrams, producer Kathleen Kennedy, the new stormtroopers, most of the human cast and a very drunk R2D2, the new trailer for Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Yawns, Reconsiders, Goes Back To Sleep, Has A Nice Slumber has been released online. And it's here to save your childhood! And it's even better than the first one! And it can cure disease! Stop being a productive member of society and start watching the teaser below!
Can a teaser trailer to the seventh film in a decades-spanning movie series bring one a modicum of happiness, however fleeting? Sometimes it can. Sometimes it can.
yes hello, i’d like to buy 5,000 tickets to see a Star War rn please.
— Matt Cohen (@Matt_D_Cohen) April 16, 2015
First, we get the lovely tracking shot of a crashed Star Destroyer coupled with the familiar strains of John Williams' iconic Star Wars score. We assume this is a Star Destroyer, but if it isn't, please don't murder us.
Luke Skywalker voiceover! Darth Vader's mask! Uh, can a mask deteriorate like a skull? Has Luke been carrying around his father's head for 40-odd years? [EDITOR'S NOTE: Darth Vader's helmet was clearly melted in the funeral pyre at the end of Return Of The Jedi, Ben is a numbskull for not getting that immediately, he embarrasses us all]
Was the reference to Darth Vader (SPOILER ALERT) as "my father" not enough to clue you in that this is Luke's voiceover? How about R2D2 by his side? Or how about his ROBOT HAND.
Lightsabers are handed off, Leia's are referenced (but not really glimpsed), and then we get a boatload of quick, exciting images, including X-wing fighters in battle and shots of our three new leads (John Boyega as Finn, Daisy Ridley as Rey, and Oscar Isaac as Poe Dameron).
There are also at least two cool shots of the villainous Sith Kylo Ren, he of the heavily-debated crossguard lightsaber. We also get a lot of glimpses of the new Stormtroopers (including the Chrome Stormtrooper).
The whole thing ends with an aerial battle between the Millennium Falcon and tie fighters (as previously seen in the first teaser), and culminates in an immensely satisfying final shot of Han and Chewie: "Chewie, we're home." "Ahhhh." Chewie has barely aged a day!
when u come home from college and ur grandpa & ur uncle are pumped to finally drink w/ u pic.twitter.com/ghlSbWxReM
— Josh Nalven (@JNalv) April 16, 2015
How many orgasms did you have? Sound off in the comments.
HARRISON FORD IN THE NEW STAR WARS TRAILER MADE ME ORGASM SO HARD
— M²K|TSS-LOCAP (@Deadfracture12) April 16, 2015
My fucking god, new Star Wars trailer is just so damn awesome. I cried and I had an orgasm, clearly it's perf. 😱😍❤👏💜
— D-62 ❤ (@CrueHeadGirl) April 16, 2015
The collective and loud orgasm in the theater when han solo / Harrison Ford appears at the end of the tesser tho #StarWars
— Flavia F. (@misss_ff) April 16, 2015
So new teaser trailer for Star Wars #StarWarsCelebration I admit...I had an orgasm.
— Craig Gaydas (@CraigGaydas) April 16, 2015
— Kelly (@DHPLover) April 16, 2015
This is my obligatory Star Wars trailer orgasm tweet.
— Jeff Small (@jeffrsmall) April 16, 2015
Just made sex/orgasm noises while watching the Star Wars trailer. Girlfriend was/is moderately concerned...
— August Murphy-King (@august_mk) April 16, 2015
— WHOOPS (@Nerfsound) April 16, 2015