It's been a while, but with the real Melania Trump finally moving into the White House, fake Melania Trump—a.k.a. Tony award-winning actress Laura Benanti—returned to The Late Show With Stephen Colbert last night to express just how happy she is ("See?
These are my happy eyes") about leaving her "prison of freedom" for D.C. She's got her roll away ladder, she's excited to start work on cyberbullying the illiterate, and she wants to clear up a few rumors about that time she slapped away Trump's hand: "Fake news, Stephen," she said. "It wasn't a slap. His hands are so small I thought it was mosquito."
"Here's the thing," she explained to Colbert. "America took a vow. And Donald Trump is our president, for better or worse, for richer or even richer. In sickness and in no health care. And we must honor that, no matter how often America fantasizes about being with Justin Trudeau."
Colbert also tackled Attorney General Jeff Sessions's Senate testimony, during which he seemed unable to recall anything about his various meetings with Russian officials during the campaign: "Wow, Sessions really seems to know nothing," Colbert said. "Explains why he was the first Senator to endorse Trump."
Colbert pointed out that even though "Attorney General Sherlock" didn't claim executive privilege, he was reluctant to answer anything: "You're not answering even though the president hasn't claimed executive privilege and you haven't claimed executive privilege. So what are you claiming? White privilege? Cause I hear that's a thing. There is some privilege being claimed."
Seth Meyers had some fun with the Sessions testimony with guest Kate McKinnon, who broke out her hilarious impression of him.